Parting Thoughts, Yeah Like you give a shit

If you gotten to this post, you must find this shit interesting. This blog has been like a huge brain dump for me for the last two weeks just as a methodology for me to capture down my thoughts about this vacation and really, probably wasn’t intended for many people to read. But you are still reading this shit, and by now, you must feel at least 2 times dumber than when you first started.

Some things I’ve learned about Europe

1) British people are more tolerant of diverse relationships

I saw a lot of mixed couples out on the street and no one seemed to give a shit except for the two asian americans who kept giggling like a bunch of hyenas. I’m  not talking about diverse couples like a white man plus asian girl, or white man plus indian girl, or white man…. hell, white man plus anybody.  Lemme rephrase that, its not that common in the US to find mixed couples such as an asian male with anybody else(but an asian male), or an indian guy/indian girl with anybody else, or even a black woman and an asian male together. Shit like that just ain’t that well received and if you disagree, well shut up, you are ruining my post.  At the very least, when you see an asian male and a white girl together I’ve secretly wanted to go up to him and give him a high five and scream “that’s what I’m talking about.” But you see that coupling around England and for some reason it doesn’t seem that odd cause there are a ton of diverse couples around. I’ve seen indian girl with asian male, asian male with white dude and  coupling that were diverse as the rainbow itself.

2) I’m an aberration in Spain

I’m taller and bigger than most of the dudes walking around Madrid and Barcelona, so much so, I felt like a badass. I need to find some way to replicate that feeling without having to get on the guestlist of a Mexican party, there has to be a way.

3) I can’t take black people seriously in Europe

There’s just something so off seeing some thug dressed up with a NY baseball cap and all that shit speaking a foreign language. There could be a grip of them talking(with british accent) about how to cap someone  or steal a car but with that accent, they give the impression that they are asking when is tea time and what was the last charles dickens book they’ve read. They sound so intelligent and proper, that they’ve become well… less intimidating. With the French ones, just as bad. We saw a group of black people in club attire at a restaurant speaking French. They look like the dudes we got out in Oakland and EPA but when they speak French and drink wine from a glass and not from a beer bottle, shits all fucked up. I wonder do they lower their horse drawn carriages and fry up their baguettes.

4) Subways are tight

I love subways, I wish we had a better system in San Francisco.  Instead of funneling money to the SFMTA or the transportation agency, we need someone to come in here and redesign it from the ground up so it would be faster, on time and won’t smell of bums and feces.  Look at the subways in London, Hong Kong, Taipei, New York, Paris(okay maybe not, their subway is kinda disgusting)and many others, we need a better system.

5) Indian girls can be attractive

London.

6) You don’t fuck with American cartoons

The smurfs do not speak spanish

7) Europeans are rude

I get the feeling they are pretty rude, but to be fair, its probably cause their culture is different from the expectations we have in the United States.  Everywhere we go, even the service people aren’t that down to make small talk, and I think I frighten them with my asian, yet american ways. Maybe its cause there were a lot of rude Americans that come through to Europe.

Fuck the europeans, I will crush them with my foot.  Besides, I would be rude if I knew I did not wear deodorant and smelled like the fish aisle of 99 ranch.

8) Spanish people love their rum and coke

Shit cost me 11 euros for each one at Garamond(Madrid club). I don’t remember drinking any of the six I bought. I also realize even in a foreign country, I’m pretty damn good at meeting guys. The bartender hooked it up. Man… I could’ve done this at home.

9) I can’t understand English people

I have a hard time understanding the “english’ that brits speak. Everyone sounds like they have a lisp.  Everything they say just runs together and all out of tune like a used piano.  I’ve never had to use “what” and “excuse me” so many times in the last week.

10) Coke and fast food  are expensive items

Why is this true I can’t completely grasp. An extra value meal at McDonalds  runs anywhere from 6 to 7 pounds(1.6x dollar amount, so $10 - $11.20) in Britain and also 6 to 7 euro’s in both Spain and France(1.4x dollar amount, $8.40 - $9.80). A big mac by itself is over $5 and to buy a separate bottle  of coke at any restaurant is an extra 2.50 euro’s or pounds. Fucken crazy, its just calorie induced fast food and Coca cola. Coca Cola jeezus!  The thing is, coke being so expensive doesn’t deter the locals from guzzling that shit like crazy. Every person I’ve seen at the restaurants, streets, wherever, has a bottle of coke with them. It’s either coke or beer. Being the practical and fiscally responsible person that I am, I saved money by drinking alcohol at every meal.  I must’ve gained like 8 pounds from this trip just cause of that.

It was a great experience in Europe, here’s hoping next time I go will be even more fun.

Its time to go home

5/27/2009

What did I end up doing yesterday? 

I spent 8 hours walking around London, 3 of those hours were spent trying to find a uniqlo polo shirt on my size.  I guess it wasn’t that bad, since it gave me time to go buy some stuff to take home, like this badass pork pie we bought at Marks and Spencers. Marks and Spencer is like a Wal-mart crossed with a Target and crossed with a safeway. They have these freshly prepared food that are just off the chain.  Look below for a pic. The only downside to those pork pies is that each one was like 500 calories, so eating two of those will raise your blood pressure to an inordinate level.

Absolute Goodness

Cause I was by myself, I took this chance to go to Chelsea football stadium to not only take a few pics but also buy some stuff. I can’t say I’m a huge  Chelsea fan, but I am a sports fan.

 

Here’s some pics of St. Paul’s Cathedral. I didn’t go in cause it costs too much to do so. Yeah, hella chinese, so what.

 

5/27/2009 5:24am

I only now realized I got majorly screwed on my flight going to London.

Remember on my flight how nothing was working right? The entertainment system was down and the nearest bathroom was out of order, my AC plug was not working so I had no power, coupled with the suckage of food, that trip was worse than being a 5’2” asian male clubber.

I just had my lunch on my return flight to SFO and man, it was pretty fucken swell. Yes, fucken swell. They offered up a piping hot shepherd’s pie with a vinegrette salad and a chocolate mousse as desert. On the side, I got this bottle of white wine and a small bottle of water, the whole shit was not bad at all. In addition, the entertainment system is actually WORRKING(fuck it just broke down as I type this.. bitch) and my DC power is actually working too! The only downside is I think the person sitting next to me is kind of an idiot and hopelessly lost about what to do with the doodags in his seat, plus he decided to sleep without closing the blinds. Fucker, why can’t you close that shit. I shouldn’t call him fucker, I think he’s a doctor. Dude was making a powerpoint entitled something something something anorexia, maybe he was off to give a talk at the fat clinic. There is also a Brandon Fraser movie on right now, but beyond that, its not too bad.  This is what I expect when I plunked down 6 bills for the flight ticket.

There is some douchebag who is sitting on the other side of the plane with both his windows open, even though the rest  of the cabin is dark and the lights are off. I asked one of the stewardess if he can close ‘em, but he’s opened them back again. What I would give to go over and destroy him while shining a light in his face. It’ll probably tan his hella white face anyways.

I must’ve ended up gaining like 10 pounds on this trip, I see a gut… and I have to fight next week… shit.

I am craving some Chinese food. Can’t wait to eat some when I get home.

We are so close that I can smell fisherman’s wharf. Just a tad over Salt Lake City, so you know I’m close.

Last days in Europe

5/25/2009

Activities for Today:
Windsor Castle
City of Bath
Stonehenge

We became tourists today and took a preset tour to hit up the three places above. I’ve always been hesitant about taking one of these tours cause not only do you look like a tourist coming out of the bus, but somehow you end up smelling like one too. I prefer the high tension atmosphere of knowing your pockets might get picked and that you aren’t surrounded by Americans. Maybe that’s my real gripe about it, that everywhere I turned I heard American English and because of that, I’m no longer considered exotic.  The trip itself wasn’t that cheap and we got hooked up through a company called Evan Evans. All in all, it was like 138 pounds that is nearly 100 dollars a person, not cheap.

The problem with these tours is that they start so damn early in the morning. On the bus, we passed this one (short)bus full of Korean tourists. You can see the MC/guide yakking on her microphone and every single one of the old korean people passed out with their head back of the seat. Way to put their hard earned money to good use. Score another win for organized tours.

On the way to meeting up the “coach(bus)” we got pretty damn lost. Apparently, living in the city for 5 days still wasn’t enough to familiarize ourselves. It was 840pm and we were running super late, I took a wild guess that its going to be at the Victoria bus station, since.. well shit.. that kind of makes sense right?  It probably didn’t help that we did not know the name of our travel tour company nor was I able to properly write down the information when I called cause, let’s face it, I can’t understand a lick of this fucked up English that they speak. So while standing outside the Victoria bus station, I had Cherry call the ticket office to ask where we should meet. 

Cherry:

1. “Where should we meet the bus for our tour?”
2. “Yeah, we are at Victoria coach station”
3. “Is the tour bus inside of the Victoria station?”
4. "Oh….”

Apparently between 3 and 4 the operator had responded

“Of course its inside the station”

We felt like dumbasses.

The first stop we hit up the city of Windsor which was old and contained the Windsor Castle. It’s the place of residence for the Queen on weekends and has been around for thousands of years. Being the 3rd castle and the 14th day of the trip I was getting pretty tired of looking at ancient buildings. After a while, all the castles start to blend together and there really isn’t that much difference between one or another.

 

Some part of Windsor Castle

Another part of Windsor Castle

 

Taiwanese Tourists, they couldn’t have looked or sounded anymore fobbier. Sounds like home.

We spent about 2 hours there looking at the different “apartments”  and the dollhouses and a bunch of random stuff. There were a ton of tourists there and I felt privileged to be among my people so much so I tried to distance myself at least 10 feet within their vicinity.

After, we took a two hour bus ride to the city of Bath. I admit I knew nothing about Bath other than it had a sexual stimulating name. It is a city that was founded in 43 AD by Romans who built baths on top of the hot springs and created a bunch of baths that attracted a bunch of wealthy elites of the time. Throughout the years, it was rediscovered and made into a ritzy tourist spot with lots of quaint shops and stuff to eat.

 

Hella dirty baths

Hot Spring

There were signs plastered everywhere that stated the water was too dirty and people should not touch it. Our tour guide warned of great consequences if we were to accidentally drink the water because the water hasn’t been changed for YEARS. Lo and behold.

Dumbasses dipping their toes into that rank shit.

The last part of the tour took us to Stonehenge. I was expecting a whole lot more than a bunch of rocks stuck in the middle of nowhere.

 

The fat chick who took our photo apparently didn’t understand me when I asked “does it look like I am holding it" and she responded with “yes”

 

Yes, I have wore this shirt twice already. The pants 5th time. Shut up

 

At least this place knows who their clientele are

That was pretty much it for the day, C.Z. is going back home tomorrow and I have tomorrow pretty much all to myself. Why did that happen? Well, remember how there was suppose to be a third person and she bailed? She wanted to stay an extra day to go around London but because she bailed, I’m pretty much on my own.

Almost Home, Ryanair sucks ass

5/24/2009

I never thought I would say this, but there is a shittier airline than Southwest. In my traveling days I use to dread taking Southwest. With its low price you get some pretty ghett-lo people who come on board and the boarding process is a free for all.  You got to go to these airport that were pretty out of the way and they tend to be pretty shitty.

Southwest is a fucken paradise compared to the shit for all known as RyanAir. In line I heard some British guy mention that the airline sucked cause it was Irish. Well, shit, fuck the Irish then cause Ryanair can suck it. Coming back from Barcelona we took Ryanair and instead of departing from Iberia we went to an airport known as Reus, which was 66 MILES to the southwest of the city. We had to take a bus to go an hour and a half to get to the airport that was SUPER out in the boonies. I’m talking about cows fucken grazing and pigs walking around like they are kings. On top of that, Ryanair has a luggage weight limit for their checked in luggage, 15 kg per checked in luggage. Fuck them and their metric system.  Even after siphoning off a bunch of stuff into Cherry’s bag and my carry on I checked in at a whopping 20 kg. They proceeded to charge me 15 Euros per EXTRA KG. Yes, you read that right, 15 Euros per KG. To put it in perspective I paid the equivalent of 3 La Rambla hookers with change to spare for a blowjob, just to check in my suitcase.

If southwest’s check in is a mess, then Ryanair's is a clusterfuck. You get these numbers on your boarding pass, then you just get in line. You wait patiently and then you proceed to just squeeze by people. The staff was so small that the lady who checked in our bag(fantastic english by the way)also proceeded to check our boarding pass as we got onto the plane. What really got me was she took an extra 2 minutes looking over our passport and our boarding pass AFTER she had already seen and remembered us from the check in process. There’s two GODDAMN asian people in the entire airport, do you really think its all necessary to double check?

The Reus airport you had to walk on the tarmac to get to the plane. You had to wonder that because your plane ticket was so cheap(28 pounds after tax) did this plane even have rafts.  It’s not a comforting thought that the safety card is BUILT into the headrest. For that, its actually a good idea amongst the pandemonium when you know you are going to die, but having to stare at it, is kinda unsettling.

 

The headrest in front of me. None of the seats reclined(SCORE!)

The actual flying on Ryanair sucked as much as the check in process. It was like flying in a huge infomercial. Noisy, annoying and downright rude. So the thing is, its a huge no frills airline that you have to pay for every single thing. You pay to use the bathroom, you pay for something to drink, you pay for something to eat, hell, they probably charge you to fart in your seat and give that “who did it face.” Every 10 minutes or so the flight attendant/MC  would announce they would be coming up and down the aisle with different merchandise that they were peddling. From cigarettes(which you can’t smoke on the plane) soda, cologne, water, it was like a huge costco.

 

Advertisements plastered on the baggage compartment

This last comment goes out to all flights not just Ryanair, but all “domestic” flights in Europe. I’ve taken a total of three “domestic” flights in these last two weeks, going from Paris to Madrid, Madrid to  Barcelona and Barcelona back to London(Luton). I have a new appreciation for American planes now cause of their great attention to detail. The landing process on all of the Euro flights I have taken were all white knuckle and stomach churning. They definitely come in a lot faster so there’s this huge “hop” as the front wheels. There were a few times where I gripped my seat tighter than a porn star chokes up on a baseball bat, shit was downright scary and I’ve traveled well over 200,000 miles in my lifetime.  The best trip so far, the train from London to Paris.

I think we’ve been away from English speaking people for way too long cause we like to talk shit about everyone else in languages they can’t understand. In France, we spoke Chinese, in Spain, we spoke Chinese, everywhere in between, English.  The airplane landing was uber bumpy and to calm our nerves Cherry started asking me 20 questions with some not safe for work topics. You know how when you are waiting for the huge mess of people to exit the plane, everyone jams into the walkway? Well, she picked a great time to drop this gem on me:

“If polygamy is legal, would you be down for it”

Apparently she had forgotten we landed in England where people could understand us and we were packed in tightly with english people breathing on top of us. I’m pretty sure the grandma in front of us look at us. I tried to laugh it off and gave one of those “aw fuck, nothing to see here” nervous chuckles, I thought C was joking, but she said it with a straight face. God, I hate her so much.  Why the hell would you ask me if I would take on multiple wives when we are amongst OLD ENGLISH PEOPLE. On top of that, we are MINORITIES in the airport and we dont’ have any backup. Thanks Cherry, you are a winner.

Alright, I’ll admit it, I think I’m kind of a racist. The customs agent was some middle eastern dude with a Turban, bearded face and a thick British accent.  Yeah that’s right, I thought the same thing too, he must be part of Al Qaeda. But he must be a shitty one cause he’s got a cushy job at the airport.  He asked us.

• Where did you come from
  • From Spain(in hindsight, this probably confused the fuck out of him, two asian americans from Spain. There’s no such thing right? Well apparently Cherry’s aunt works at the Madrid airport with her Spanish accent)
• Where are you going
  • London
• How long are you staying
  • Two days…
• What day are you leaving
  • (uber confused) Um, Tuesday. (is this a real indian guy?)
• What are you here for
  • (thinking)To eat the chinese food, what the fuck do you think.
• Can I see your return ticket
  • It is an e-ticket
• Where are you staying in London
  • The Hilton Islington
• Can I see your confirmation
  • I dont’ have it, but I have it on my phone.
• Can I see it
  • Um, alright. One second… Let me pull up Excel. At this point,we began to notice that at least 10 people have gone through when we were being interrogated. Cherry was getting kinda pissed for obvious reasons
• Where are you going after London
  • Los Angeles/San Francisco
• What airport are you flying into
  • LAX/SFO(Cherry should’ve taken out her heels and impaled the fucker with ‘em.
• What airport are you flying from out of London
  • Heathrow

Why the fuck was Al Qaeda asking us terrorist questions?? Apparently this dude was playing 20 questions or spitting game, I really didn’t care. The guy is wearing a turban and he’s taking time to interrogate 2 asian people at Luton airport? Three pakistani’s and a goat would have had an easier time  getting into the country than us. Next time I fly into London, I’m packing a fucken turban.

Best of Eurotrip Photo’s

5/23/2009

9:00pm – Barcelona

Here are some of my favorite pictures from this trip with fake(and real) captions. You get to figure out which is what.

London Tower – Apparently the toilet in this porta potty was no where to be found.

London - You know she’s gotta hate her job.

London – Arab Street – Where’s Waldo. I feel like I’m in Asia, just look at the pic and the setup

Kensington Palace - Giving back to the environment

Big Ben – Even in London the ghetto dogs are here

Gare Du Nord – Looks like a cock, tastes like sawdust, but the French call it sausage. This tasted like shit but Cherry enjoyed it more than I ever will.

Paris – Shimmy

Paris – Man I’m starting to look hella fat in these pics, I need to stand next to fat people from now on

 

The Louvre – Powering up DBZ style.

Versailles – Bottled Water Model

Saint-Michelle - The food here sucked and we had only one bathroom. You do the math.

Madrid - The Big Park in the middle of the city. Asian tourists hella defacing Spanish property. Who would have thought I would ever type that??

Madrid - Some shady fucker took a picture of her when she was stealing this cafe's internet. I guess that cancels each other out.

Spanish National Palace - The tour guide said it was the #3 most impressive palace in all of Europe. Why would you even advertise yourself as such? I always thought #1 and #2 would be more marketable but #3? Question: Who came in 3rd in last year's BCS final rankings?  Coming in 2nd you are already the first loser, now you are the 2nd loser? Back to the picture, good shot.

Madrid Subway - Madrid fashion. He had more moves than cougars on a saturday night and dressed like a champion. 3 stars

Versailles - Tai Chi in the park. There was a total of 5 asian people in all of Versailles. We were two of them. The other 3 worked at New Shanghai restaurant down the street.

Something Familiar in Barcelona - Pretty badass. But I was too cheap to pay the 11 euros to go into the cathedral. Cherry asked why were these spanish speaking people so lazy for not finishing this cathedral after 100 years?

Barcelona - Magic fountain with lights, music and everything. I had my own magic fountain 10 minutes later in the bathroom with singing.

Barcelona, full of Hispanics

Our European clubbing escapades are now… officially over.  Cherry is just laying there with a hangover so I guess I now do not have anyone to go clubbing with. Another one bites the dust.

Barcelona is an interesting place, diverse, cultured and kinda dirty all rolled into one. With those description, its actually similar to LA without the urban sprawl.  Check out the pic there’s palm trees at their airport, and the wide open car lanes are reminiscent of Los Angeles International Airport. We are staying in this apartment that is one block from the Cathedral and about 3 minutes from La Rambla. You know what that means right? Easy access to 27 Euro hookers.

LA or Barcelona??

I’m sick and tired of this Spanish food, especially Paella. I don’t know if I ain’t even spelling that shit right cause I’m fucken tired of it and its hella expensive out here.  Everywhere you go its Paella this Paella that, after a while Paella tastes like shit.  Tapas aren’t bad, but they are expensive. How the hell do people here afford this shit?  4 dishes cost us a total of like 28 Euros($35) and I was far from full, this was pretty consistent with all Tapas places that we went to and left pretty unsatisfied.

At least the store is honest

I got desperate for different food that I ate McDonald’s for the first time in 8 years and then had dinner at a Chinese restaurant near the Familia. 

Being Chinese out here in Barcelona seemingly relegates you to one of 2 jobs.

1. Owning a restaurant
2. Owning a store

and on occasion

1. Waiter(at a non chinese restaurant)

Such a backward place when you see fobby asians working at restaurant speaking spanish and serving tapas and beer.  I’m going to sound like an ass for saying, but there are a lot of Mexican looking people here in Barcelona. If Madrid was the San Francisco of Spain, Barcelona would be Reno.  The people here are ugly, out of shape, hell, even the nude beach sucked. Do you know how hard it is to make open titties completely boring and unattractive? Well I do, it’s called Barcelona and its open for business.

When you go to nude beaches, only douchebags take pictures of the topless women at the beach. I mean its pretty rude and not looked highly upon. Well, fuck that, I did. And I took the pictures with two thumbs up.

What’s so fucken funny?

When visiting the beach in Barceloneta(?) I notice that there are a bunch of south east asian looking old women who keep going around soliciting people for massage services. This reminded me of Madrid when on our way to the National Palace, we passed this one old asian dude, cigarette in mouth, squatting, and wearing sandals and asking people if they wanted a massage.  Muthafucker needs to go to marketing school, why the fuck would I let someone who looked like their worked in their yard this morning rub my shoulders in a public park?  The same can be said for these old asian women on the beach. It’s sad to see what asians in other countries are relegated to, talk about role reversal.

La Rambla is this uber long street in the middle of the Old City in Barcelona. There’s always hella people, think 3rd street promenade but full of spanish speakers and millions of people. Actually… that is 3rd street promenade.

Anyhow, there were so many people and its so fucken hot I was getting a lil pissed off. There’s tons of street performers who do “shows” for money ranging from costumed characters to random shit. This afternoon we were walking  down the street and this one dude who does shit to people on the street to make them laugh. I mean, looking at it from afar its kinda rude and irritating. So anyhow, I see this dude on the street and he’s got a pretty sizeable audience watching him as he pesters people for laughs. Me and Cherry diverse and I try to swerve around him on the left. The dude is dressed like a clown, comes barreling down to me and in one swift motion, mock-chops me with his fan while screaming some chinese sounding woaa. What did I do?

Nothing, I didn’t even flinch and stared the fuck out of him till his balls hit the ground.  He was expecting me to jump or scream or something, nope. For some reason he immediately apologizes to me(which seemed very genuine) probably for the reason he realized he was mocking and an asian dude with an asian sound. Fuck that. I should’ve slipped his chop and thrown a right hook and taken a bow to the audience.

Doing nothing today but staying home, didn’t realize how tired I really was.  I can’t even turn on the TV cause every channel is telemundo and full of cholo’s.

Tell me I’m not the cock of the walk.

Pictures here http://cid-0efdc47933068c89.skydrive.live.com/browse.aspx/Barcelona

Farewell Madrid, Barcelona Here We Go

5/21/2009 10:18am

Man, I’m starting to miss home and some regular home food. This morning I had this huge craving for a big mac, yes, a big mac. I don’t even eat McDonald’s at home and I’m starting to crave a big mac. All this european food is all good and stuff, but really, a taste of home is what I’m missing right now.

Throughout this entire trip Cherry and I have been using chinese to talk shit about the locals. Yesterday at the museum Prado, she made a comment about how the guy in front of us reeked. Apparently we forgot that you don’t talk shit about a people in an empty hallway and that yes, people in Europe understand English. The guy proceeded to continue walking but lifted his arm and took a whiff of his armpit. Fucken Americans, can’t take them anywhere.  The running gag of me being from Singapore and her from Canada has kind of veered off course. People here don’t really care if you are American or not, as long as you aren’t annoying, loud and obnoxious.

Garamond Club

Some nice chick from a restaurant recommended us to check out this club  called Garamond. Apparently she had worked in Truckee and only made the trek to Spain to live cause of her boyfriend. 3 guesses what kind of work she did in Truckee. Hint: She’s foreign and loves snow.

Garamond was SICK. The club was huge and decked out like a fucken Vegas club. The chicks were hot with slamming bodies, each looked like a high priced Vegas hooker.  That’s how you fucken run a club, you get good looking hooker wanna be’s. Hats off to you Spain, kudos.   Apparently people who go to this

79 Euro wine, that translates to $1.10 and it gets you fucked up. Best deal in Spain